Fool for Love
Julie, 17 year old girl, Logan, Utah
“I’d just turned 17 and I thought I was so cool. I had wanted so bad to have a relationship and to feel loved, that I fell into a trap. A guy that I had known from school for a couple of years started to talk to me more and more, and eventually asked me for my number.
We started talking on the phone, and decided to go on a date four days after my birthday. He said he was going to give me a special birthday present. It was the first big date that I had gone on that my mom actually knew about.
My grandma was visiting and the guy, Chris, was from the same state that my grandpa was from, so naturally my grandma wanted to meet him. He was so sweet when he came to get me, and he came inside to meet my family. He was such a gentleman when we went out to his car—HE EVEN OPENED THE DOOR! I mean what else can a girl ask for?
He said we would go somewhere special. He took me up to this overlook where you could see the whole city and the mountains and the beautiful sunset. This is where I got caught up in the trap.
He told me how beautiful he thought I was, and kept making little comments to make me think he wanted to be more than just friends with me. We stayed there and listened to music, and watched the sun go down. Then he kissed me. At first I pulled away, but then I kissed back.
When it became completely dark, we drove to a side street and parked his car, and he took me for a little walk, and we ended up on a golf course. He had a blanket and I was cold so he wrapped the blanket around him and then he wrapped his arms around me. Then, he laid the blanket down and then pulled me down to it. I thought he was just playing around, so I lay there looking up at the stars.
Soon he started to kiss me again, and doing some other things that I wasn’t really comfortable with him doing, but I thought he wanted to be with me, and I liked being with him, and I thought it would make him stay. How stupid was I? He wanted to have sex with me. I told him no, and he respected that. But, after he had done what he wanted, he didn’t need me anymore. And, because I wasn’t willing to give him what he wanted, he didn’t want me anymore. Afterwards, he took me home, but he didn’t call the next day, or all weekend. Then, the following Monday at school, he didn’t talk to me—he just ignored me!
A few days later, I tried talking to him, thinking that maybe, just maybe, if he knew just how much he hurt me it would make things better. It was the biggest mistake! He made me feel so much worse about myself, and he called me all the names in the book.
I was so mad, and frustrated, and embarrassed about the situation that I became depressed. I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t know who to tell. I started drinking and ended up getting in a lot of trouble. Looking back, I know that I could have not got into any of that trouble if I had talked to someone about what happened. Finally, I did talk to my mom. Of all people! Let me tell you how hard, and wonderful it was. She totally understood what I was going through, and she was there for me. I know it sounds weird, me telling my MOM, but it really made my mom and me closer. It opened up a new level of trust in both of us, because we were being so honest.
Now I realize that he didn’t care about me. I have learned to accept that. It’s really hard, but it’s something I’ve had to do to get through this. I also realized that just because I did something stupid, that doesn’t make me any less of a person, and I don’t have to repeat my mistakes.
It’s almost been a year, and the pain is still there a little, but I’m doing a lot better now. Now I have a wonderful boyfriend who respects me so much. He knows all about what happened, and is always there when I have a bad day with Chris at school.
If someone out there is going through this same situation, don’t give up. Things will get better, I promise. There are some really great guys out there, but you have to be careful so you don’t go through the bad ones before you find the good ones.”
